Monday, September 19, 2011

Life

I am currently dealing with a difficult situation that robs me of nearly all my energy, especially my creative energy. It is also the reason why there is not much blogging going on at the moment. It is complicated and has a lot to do with my upbringing and my background and my fight against it all.
During my wanderings across blog world this morning I started thinking that my problem is really not that bad, compared with what other people are dealing with. But then I realized that in the context of my life, my personality and my here and now it is just as bad no matter how other people might see it.
I am nearly 50 years old and I am still feeling like the unwanted, unloved child I used to be. Unimportant and largely ignored. I think it is time to get out of that trap I just don't know how.
Well, I did not really mean to write all that but maybe it helps with finding a solution before I go completely nuts.

8 comments:

Tracey said...

Oh Maria, we live so close and yet we don't. I wish you could just sit down at my kitchen table and we could chit-chat in person. How you feel is how you feel, good-bad whatever, they are your feelings. As someone who is battles health issues I know it's hard. Throw hormones on top of it all and it's worse. My thoughts are with you and I hope you find the peace you deserve. Unloved? I think not! Just know there is someone is SC who is thinking of you! Much love.xx

*karendianne. said...

Even though I have MS, I don't believe in that business of thinking how someone else always has it worse. It's all relative. What's hard for you IS HARD for you. That's the bottom line. Take care of you and be good to yourself. Reach out for support. Know you're not alone and don't hold it in. Share. People care and they can listen. I'm listening. With a warm heart and much kindness, *karendianne.

Swanski said...

I pray you find the peace you seek. A blog is a great way to creatively unburden and move on in life. Good luck!

Julia said...

Feeling unloved is hard. Even when we know it is not true, it is a difficult way to view yourself. If your parents make you feel this way, think about how they are acting, is it deliberate or unconscious or simply how you feel due to past actions. Recognizing their actions for what they are and your feelings as separate can really help. I hope your understanding of your feelings and the realization you are not alone can help you. (look down more than thirty people read what you write.) Hope you find peace with yourself.

Mad about Craft said...

I am also neraly 50 and sometimes I still feel like the bullied schoolgirl. I have to remind myself that I am now a grown up and accepted for who I am now!

I hope you sort your struggle out soon!

Anonymous said...

Dear Maria,
You are very loved by more people then you think. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Your in my thoughts.
Coleen

Jackie said...

I'm 49 and I think we all carry some of those bad feelings from childhood. KarenDianne said it so well. What is hard for each of us is HARD. It really doesn't matter what anyone else is going through - it our struggle. Hugs.

Kathleen said...

Maria, In my personal life it all stemed from forgiveness. I had to finally realize that for me to be happy with myself I had to forgive and move on. Not only others but myself as well. There are things we will never forget but forgiveness goes a long way. I pray that your life will be a blessed one and you travel throuh it. We only get one so make the best of it you can. God Bless